Admit you don’t know

The first step to enjoying being a retard, is admitting you’re a retard. There’s no real definition of the word, so I’m using it to mean, like, a person who doesn’t know everything. A non-know-it-all.

A retard can be fun or unfun. If the retard is unfun, “retard” is a slur. If the retard is fun, it’s a badge of honor.

Do you like fun and you don’t know everything? Then you’re a fun retard. You may now use the word “retard” freely and if anyone tries to stop you, you say “only members of the retard community are allowed to use that word, and I identify as a retard, so I can say it and you can’t, you stinky asshole.” The judgemental/unfun retard will be scared and leave you alone.

Neither not-knowing nor genuine intellectual disability should be stigmatized. Neither is shameful. Everyone is a retard because nobody knows everything.

Advantages to being a retard

“To know what you know and what you do not know, that is true knowledge.”

It’s a confusing and contradictory oroborous of smarts. Knowledge revealing ignorance revealing knowledge. This is freeing and fluffy and cool.

If we know what we don’t know - we can learn more stuff.

Or we can make up fake explanations and giggle to ourselves at the absurdity.

I’ll bet it’s so much fun to be a flat-earth retard. It’s fun until you make it a crusade, either against science or in the name of it.

Exercise in retardation

Shaggy 2 Dope is famous for his lyric “fuckin magnets, how do they work?” because it’s supposedly a stupid thing to say.

He responded to this meme recently. I don’t remember where he said it or when, and I’m too lazy to look it up, but here’s what I remember:

He said the meme is not funny anymore. He knows the high-school science explanation, but he still doesn’t understand it, and he doesn’t want to understand it. The question was rhetorical. He’s talking about things in life that seem miraculous. He likes small, daily miracles of life and that’s what the song is about.

This proves that Shaggy is a retard and I respect him even more for it.

I am going to do an experiment with myself, for you, dear reader, to show you what I’m talking about. First, I will write down everything I remember from physics class about how magnets work. Then I will look up an explanation online and try to understand it. Then I will compare my mental state before and after.

1. My memory of the high-school explanation of magnets: In a non-magnetic metal, the electrons are going all crazy like a mosh pit. On a magnetic metal, the electrons are dancing in sync, like a boy band. This makes there be poles on the magnet, north and south. The poles make… other metals suck to itself? The missing piece of knowledge is between the poles and the attraction. How does it pull it?
2. Explanation from the internet:
   • First I looked at wikipedia. I learned that this force is not sucking or attraction, it’s called pull (or repel). Doesn’t explain HOW the polarity makes the pull/repel force happen, just that it does.
   • Searched Startpage for my question directly. First hit was the same nonsense as Wikepedia. Second hit was a question in Quora, that says “A magnetic field isn’t a static aura; it’s a continuous, directional loop. When two magnets suddenly snap together, it’s just the invisible flow desperately trying to shorten its circuit.”
   • So the answer to my question is basically that electricity is trying to find the shortest way, like lightning hitting the highest thing.
3. I don’t feel smarter at all. This information is useless to me. Shaggy was right: ignorance is bliss when you fill in the blanks with “miracle”. Retards win every time. The fun comes from the magic, not the smarts.

Being a retard is fun. Being a retard is better. Confucius and Shaggy agree.

The world would be better if we were all retards together. Take your pretension and shove it.